IADL #530
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 "My name's Jimmy Ray, and I'm your mail-order hick. So, you got cable?" --Helder
 "...an' I was jes' jokin! I never thought he'd take me serious when I said 'Doc, howsabout puttin' a couple'a big ol' titties on me?'. I wuz pert damn mad fer a while, but then I figures, 'Hell, saves on the porn bills'. So it all evens out, I guess." --Qadim Al-Steve
 "Mornin' Ma'am, if I may ask, have you accepted Hank Williams, Jr as your personal Saviour?' --Spunky Misunderstood Genius
 "Now, ma'am, there are two alternative approaches to cattle insemination: The scientific method, and, what I like to call, 'the fun way'..." --Spunky Misunderstood Genius
 Bachelor AL-#566653 owns his own pick-up and hound dog, enjoys 'killin' things' and says his ideal date is to "roll you in butter and sugar and eat you up like a big ol' elephant ear." --Spunky Misunderstood Genius
 Welcome to Bubbathon 2000! I'm your host, Billy Joe Jim Bob Dukane, and what a lineup of events we have for ya today, yuhwhat! We'll be starting off with Standing Around a Pickup Truck with the Hood Open and Cussing At the Motor, follered by Free Style Spectatoring. Then we'll move right into Hollering at No One in Particular, and finish up with everyone's favorite, the Twelve Ounce Curl. --rudy
 "I'm here for the football coaching job. Here's my football and list of prior sex offenses." --Spun Clyde
 Billy Bob never missed a poetry slam. Especially not when they served ribs. --Spunky Misunderstood Genius
 Ah got me here a list o' folks that thought it maht be funny ta sumbit captions makin' fun o' my woman! So, Mister Howlin' Weasels, perpare ta have this football shoved up your fifty yard line! --The Mattwolf
 For just pennies a day, you can bring Bud Light and cable television to needy trailer trash. Please, won't you help? --Sick l'il Cyn
 IADL circa 1979. Steve Jones collects the captions from 8164 Sycamore Lane. They didn't need the red zone back then either. --Lots42@aol.com
 Remember, have your alcoholic southern in-laws spade or neutered. --Ms Cynic
 Come to Hickland, where you too can see rednecks roaming in the wild. Please don't feed the animals, and remember to keep your windows closed at all times. --Darren
 "Can yall sign this here petion sayin those "special" massages I gave you young-uns were for leg cramps?" --Panama
 Carl watches the grill with growing anticipation. Should he ask for the thigh? Should he claim it now? Or just make a wild grab for it when it was done? Would he be forced to make do with just a drumstick, or even, heaven forbid, the wings? Carl knew he could not endure another agonizing moment. He was going to get that thigh, if it banned him from company picnics for the rest of his career. He would not fail. --Skizzy the Wonder Lizard
 Ma'am, I'm here to ask for your support. This here's a petition asking the Artist now again known as Prince to change his name back to that funny little sign. Your voice can make a difference! Please, help us stop the suffering. --Onid
 Lurlene sighed, why was it every time she met a good man he turned out to be married, gay, or stalking Brent Favre --Spunky Misunderstood Genius
 TNN begins accepting applications for its version of The Real World. --Doihle
 This Father's Day, give your dad a gift he won't soon forget: a restraining order! --crispy
 'Scuse me, but I'm gettin' a petition together to convince ABC to hire Rush Limbaugh for Monday Night Football." --Doihle
 "Alright Earl, put this football on your head and go stand under that yonder tree. Oh, and sign this release form ... just in case I miss." --Helder
 If you don't want to see the next picture in the sequence, enter your credit card number in the space below and click "Send" . --Nyder
 A series of sequels were planned, featuring, among other things, ice hockey, women's doubles tennis and croquet, but the first one, involving football, sank the project without trace. Field of Dreams: The Franchise That Never Made It. --Nyder
 After the eggs are laid, the males of the colony carry them around for six months until they hatch in the fall, at which point they lose all interest and hand them over to the females. -- Trailer Trash In the Mist by Mary Sue Fossey --Nyder
 Representations of the Madonna and Child tend to be a bit different in the Midwest. --Nyder
 "I don't care what you say, Daddy. It's my football, and I ain't givin' it up-- I'm gonna raise it right, do what's best for it..." --Nyder
 ....give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to live in trailers shored up on cinder blocks and surrounded with baskets of petunias... --Nyder
 Mortal Kombat, Streetfighter, Super Mario Brothers, Wing Commander and now this ... who'd have thought they'd even make a movie out of Redneck Rampage? --twice_shy@xtra.co.nz
 How ta' speak Missour'yun: Studmuffin. --Magus (I live there. Trust me.)
 As the result of a class-action suit, John Goodman was required to go door to door, personally apologizing to everyone who had seen King Ralph. --Gaijin Marty
 Look, pal, I don't care if you were President for eight years, you gotta pay for that corndog like everyone else. --Orrin Bloquy
 Normally I'm all for letting nature take its course... but perhaps Roseanne Barr should have gone for the hormone replacement therapy, after all. --Nyder (actually, Helder, I thought it was hilarious)
 Weebles wobble but they don't fall down. --dALY
 "I ain't never hearda Pika Chew. Is it any good?" --Magus
 For all you women who spent your high school years dating jocks: Meet the future father of your children. --Magus
 Reunited on her front doorstep forty-something years later -- and served with papers alleging physical abuse, suffering, and diminished capacity -- Lucy finally regretted pulling the football away from Charlie Brown. --Helder
 Hi, my name's Billy. Want to see the funny drawings I made for my daddy's comic strip? --The Boz
 "Professor Hawking? I've done solved that there Grand Unified Theory that you was having problems with. And I added a shotgun rack to your car." --Helder
 Damgubed, the depressed, heavy elf. --Les Miserables
 "Tornado's comin/Blowin blowin/Wife's not home/ Ho'in Ho'in/I'm havin a beer and watching the game/In my underwear" - Cyrus Nash, Redneck, beatnik, poet --Splunge
 "As your career goes into decline, so will the the quality of your stalkers." One look out her window, and Margaret Cho knew she was a lo-o-o-ng way from the IT list. --Spunky Misunderstood Genius
 Ten bucks says he would make a faux pas with my Kosher set of dishes. --Male Bimbo
 You know the rules, Mr. Namath. When you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way from your first cigarette to your last dying day. You took the oath, now get in the truck. --Anastasia
 Dear Penthouse Magazine: Well, I never thought it would happen to me, but... --Weasel
 Rabid Tennessee Titan fan Mark Arnold, still upset about the Superbowl loss, works his way down the list of players in need of a motivational "pigskin suppository." --slibs
 I guess we can safely say the gigolo business has gone belly up... --The EXXXorcist
 I'm sorry, ma'm, but it wasn't the truck your husband lost in that craps game... --Joe Z
 The Gods Must Be Crazy 4 (PG-13): When an airplane accidentally drops a football over West Virginia, a native becomes determined to return this cursed artifact "to the edge of the earth". --Ken
 Scorpio: (Oct. 24--Nov. 21) Even though the brochure described it as a "Football Fantasy Camp", your chances of finding horny naked cheerleaders in the locker room are still very slim. --Norm DePlume
 Frustrated with their son's adamant refusal to get an apartment or real job, Billy's parents drove him to the park, dropped him off, and drove away. --anon
 The moment of dawning comprehension was what "Daisy" liked most about these first meetings between online lovers --Question
 Owing to a severe glitch, Skynet sends a T-1000 into the past to eliminate John Goodman. --Doctor X (Tall in the saddle, we ride again.)
 Now, you may be speculatin' that ol' Willybob here goes through a couple of T-bones and a six pack every night. Well, you'd be speculatin' wrong - in actuality, ol' Willybob's diet consists primarily of plankton and krill. --rudy
 "You Greg? Howdy. I'm Larry, from over t' Hockey dot net. Sez here I'm s'posed to pick up a new machine." --the rev
 "If yer like me, them little sheets o' toilet paper just don't do the job. That's why I'm proud to intr'duce new Charmin jumbo..." --Torc.

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