Screw Grey Poupon, at the next light I'm asking for some Pringles. --Ken
It's that guy from the computer convention. He won't stop following us. I TOLD you not to talk to him, dammit! --rudy
Dr. Scotch Guard has been locked into the back of a minivan by his arch-nemesis, the SUV driving Latte Spiller! Will Mr. Clean save him in time? Or will this be the end of lush, stain resistant upholstery?! --A Grouch
I feel A) puzzled, B) confused, C) like going bowling. --DieLifeDie
Powder 2: The Middle Age Years --When Mullets Go Bad
Not a day went by when Father Blach didn't offer a humble prayer to thank the Good Lord he had lived long enough to enjoy the wonders of unlimited internet porn. --Spunky Misunderstood Genius
Ah, Mr. Bond, you have a nasty habit of merging without your turnsignal... --The Return of Bill
The Suburbs of Dr. Moreau. --The Return of Bill
Roy couldn't wait to see her face when she opened his "I'm stalking you" valentine. --Bad Girl
You gotta admit, it's better than a mullet. --Phat Cheops
People never realize when they have an actual Elvis siting. --Eric the .5b
" ... and I used to love to watch your beautiful hair fly in the wind ... and then we'd have to stop and pick it up ..." --Ryk (yeah, it's old, but it fits)
From a mansion in upstate New York to a semi in Des Moines... from a Rolls Royce to a Ford mini-van... from a hand-tailored suit to a cheap K-mart rag... Daddy Warbucks would always rue the day he invested in Internet startups. --Nyder
The NAMBLA Prize Patrol could be coming to your house soon! --crispy
The decision to put "Shut Down" under "Start" gnawed at Louis for the rest of his days. --crispy
"KITT, take me to the Piggly-Wiggly!" Scenes from "Driving Mr. Knight" --The Return of Bill
It was cute when they were both children. But when they turned 30, the Little Red-Haired Girl was forced to issue a restraining order against Charlie Brown. --Helder
Bill's epiphany came when he realized that he should try adding more fibre to his diet to prevent colon cancer, rather than continue getting weekly chemotherapy treatments based on the assumption that someday he'll need them anyway. --Torc.
Our shippers guarantee your mad scientist will arrive in mint condition, or your money back. --Magus
Gandhi on a casual Friday. --Spunky Misunderstood Genius
"They're still following us." "We've tried the road spikes, the oil slick, and the smoke screen. There's only one option left. Deploy the Hare Krishna!" --Helder
"No Mister Bond, I expect you to drive!" --Torc.
Buff him, Dan-O. --rudy
And once again, Sam cursed the day he plugged his Flowbee into the 220-volt outlet. --It's Claude! (been there done that)
o/`Everybody hurts.. sometimes o/` --Mr. ?
For Jim's initiation to the accounting firm, he was shaved bald, forced to wear a plaid shirt, and dropped off in downtown Cleveland. --Helder
The only bad thing about borrowing Gramp's SUV to go crusing for chicks was, well, Gramps. --Vitriol
Just like the others before him, Joe finds out the hard way that sitting down at an empty table in a bingo hall and indiscrimanately yelling "Bingo!" every thirty seconds is serious business to the blue haired set. --rudy
I couldn't help it, honey. They were having a sale on fat and bald men. 90% off! 90%! --Mr. ?