IADL #545
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 Jan, picking it only gets it infected. Try a Clearasil pad next time. --MrScary
 Neptune smites Bob. --Ravagin
 Linda Blair on opposite day. --sxot
 And here we have a scene from the infamous adult version of David & Goliath. --The Waco Kid
 Und now ve see how ze male sends out a cloud of sperm, hoping to fertilize the waiting female. --Weasel
 Gulliver lets the waitstaff know his opinion of the foie gras. --spinn
 Global Warming may make Buffalo winters more bearable, but expect the weather patterns to remain extreme. --Torc.
 Puberty hits some teens harder than others. --Weasel
 For obvious reasons, Courtney Love went to great lengths to conceal the actual details of Kurt Cobain's suicide. --Nyder
 How Harvey Keitel says "Get off my lawn!" --Riff
 May 12, 1997 - - Just to ease the monotony, when God's word processor again suggests the word 'spit' for 'smite', he goes with it. --TBone's House O' Screamin' Weasels!!
 Using Kirlian photography we were able to capture this image of a man getting a clue. --Torc.
 Archaeopteryx, Archaeopteryx, in the sky...why'd you do that in my eye? --mf
 Highlander IV: The Moistening --Weasel
 Jeff liked to impress the chicks by launching a Surface-to-Air missile from his forehead. --Zach the Conqueror
 Scene from "Noon in the Garden of the Exploding Hippies" --The Mad Puffin
 Many people claim to "Love Jesus", but Brad is the only one that will actually take a load on the face from him. --Pudge Thompson, Porn Superstar
 A quaint summer day in the park ruined by explosive decompression of the face. --Lord Stan
 We told you not to tease those ducks. --agm
 Early testing of the Sat-based Nori Orbital Tracksystem. According to inside sources, preliminary testing reveals that the technology is "wonderfully agreeable". --Jenn Dolari
 "I'm tellin' ya, if you want to see something amazing, try to make Jeff laugh when he's drinkin' milk..." --Torc.
 Any heathens caught wandering inside Heritage USA were subject to 'spot baptisms'. --Pudge Thompson, Porn Superstar
 It eventually took ten men to shoot Gallagher off that clock tower. --Pete
 Busch Gardens, good idea. Skoal Gardens, bad idea. --Orrin Bloquy
 Due to a technical error in Heaven, only Ted's mucous membranes experience the Rapture. --Orrin Bloquy
 'Now onto conversions. Check out God taking on the pagans down at the park. The big guy takes aim, and BOOYAH! Another conversion, another soul saved, and God high-fives St. Pete after his record 44th conversion of the day. The heathens lose their sixth in a row.' -- ESPN takes over the religion channels --agm
 I don't care if it only happens in 1/60,000 of all cases: this is why I ain't goin' in for that Lasik eye-surgery. --Rotter
 Starbucks' new marketing plan: direct delivery. --Yakko
 Normally, microscopic alien war fleets are hardly even an inconvenience. But the ones with jumpgate technology can be a real pain..., --Eric the .5b
 Exactly four hours, sixteen minutes and twelve seconds after breakfast, Lisa's milk passed its expiration date. --Torc.
 No one was really sure what had happened. But they blamed Judas Priest records all the same. --Lloyd Dobler
 Between takes on the set of 'Battlefield Earth,' an ever-heftier John Travolta entertained the crew by spewing ranch-dressing loogies. --Spunky Misunderstood Genius
 Why you should never attempt to combine Nori and Anti-Nori. --Doctor X
 Stung by criticism that his remake of Psycho was just a slavish modern shot-for-shot copy of a masterpiece, Gus Van Zant takes a more modern, "Farrely-brothers" approach to his version of The Birds. --Vitriol
 You can see in frame 545 that his head jerks back and to the right. So there must have been a second projectile vomiter by the forked tree. Of course, the CIA doesn't want you to know that... --Parsley
 Two parts boric acid to one part ammonia to one part chlorine. That, thought Bob, should get rid of this pesky stuffy nose for good. --Nyder
 ... with a slight chance of scattered monsoons throughout the day. --Helder
 Unsatisfied with spitting on the immediate American tourists, the French eventually created a global satellite system that allowed them to spit on any American anywhere in the world with pinpoint accuracy. --Helder
 "God damn it, I haven't been on that show in eighteen years! EIGHTEEN YEARS! Can't I just be left alone?! Is that too much to ASK?!?!" Doug from "You Can't Do That On Television" finally snaps. --Aadroma
 I don't know what this is, but if it doesn't become an Olympic event, I'm boycotting. --UFO_Charlie
 In his later years, William Tell lost quite a bit of his accuracy. --Zach the Conqueror
 Due to severe budgetary cutbacks, The Lord God, President and CEO of Heaven, inc. is forced to severely scale back the great flood of 2001. --Vitriol (Express train to hell, coming right up!)

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