IADL #552
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 At the Tomb of the Unknown Doofus. --UFO_Charlie
 Jim crosses the Bookmobile Mafia one time too many. --UFO_Charlie
 Each year, thousands of middle-aged men flock to see the Tomb of the Unread Instruction Manual. --UFO_Charlie
 Scene from the film: "Being St. Peter." --Being Doctor X
 And this is volume one of "why I won't go out with you". --NLEE
 Nobody remembered why any more, but taking a dump behind the big book was a yearly ritual for the Kappa Sigs. --Luther Yonderboy
 "Hi, my name's Chris, how are you? I'm trying to put myself through college by selling encyclopaedias..." --Nyder
 And you thought bibliophilia was just a fancy word for book-collecting. --Nyder
 yessss... closserrrr... just a little closer... closserr....FWABAP!!! --Slappyjack
 Others mocked him, but Jeff was happy with his career choice of "Lectern" --Ska
 "Christ - I'll never get this back on the top shelf." --Stoney Grounds
 Moses brought down the Ten Commandments. Bob got stuck with the Fifty Thousand Supplemental Regulations. --flodnak
 Chad could have led the children of God to the Promised Land, but he chose to lift the Ten Commandments with his back instead of his knees. --Stickboy (salvaging self seconds later)
 "Dude, it's, like, two pages. Is there a plaque with Cliff Notes somewhere?" --Torc.
 Nobody mocks the yearbook editor at Miskatonic University... --Samurai Cat in Training
 One of the Lilliputians managed to copy a few addresses out of Gulliver's little black book. --Darren
 Microsoft e-book v. 3.01 --me tew!
 Dr. Irvine stumbles across the mythical Lost DFC Archive. This picture was taken moments before a tribe of lawyers burst into the clearing, slaughtering the entire expedition. --DemonEater
 Who knew the Statute of Liberty was such a klutz? --Weasel
 "Tourists just love getting their picture taken by the grave the of Unknown Librarian!" - promotional guide for Dewey Decimal Funpark --A Grouch
 You think this guy is annoying now? Wait till you get to the crossword! --Ska
 Can't you waive the overdue charge? I started pushing it here the day it was due. --megafrim
 "It wasn't any one joke that pushed us over the edge," an audience member would later testify. "But ten minutes into his routine, when he wheeled out an immense wood book and claimed it was the new issue of 'Ebony,' it's like we were all consumed by one thought: Tonight, Carrot Top must die." --Rotter
 "I'm sorry, Reverend Falwell, but if your name's not down, you ain't gettin' in." --Nyder
 "No, thanks. I'm waiting for the pumice-back edition." --Nyder
 But everyone bought Harry Potter Book 5 anyway. --Nyder
 "See, it's right here in the small print -- Thou shalt not commit adultery ... except for Mike Watson. Now can I move back in?" --Helder
 "No, I wanted you to fetch last year's report." --Magus (In honor of the unknown submitter)
 "Alright, so maybe the rules are written in stone, but I still don't see why you can't remember to lower the seat yourself." --Helder
 "And on this spot a mere 3 decades ago, all of the pain and suffering in the world became concentrated into a beam of pure energy, and carved this stone tablet out of an obsidian mountainside, after which the beam carved words upon words of emptiness and anguish, which would later become my best-known song." -from the liner notes of MacArthur Park --Phat Cheops
 "I've worn off both me bloody arms tryin' to turn the fookin' page." --megafrim
 "Sorry dude, but before I let you into Heaven you gotta sign my guestbook." God eventually regretted reincarnating St. Peter. --Helder
 Spinn would posthumously regret allowing people to add captions to his gravestone. --Helder
 Never play rock-paper-scissors with God. He cheats. --Weasel

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