IADL #9

 Mom, you bitch! How could you leave the credit card at home? --anon
 How high is that Spandex riding, MeMaw? --Jadie
 The grocer had no idea that the little girl he had propositioned was actually a Shaolin Priestess until she kung-fu'd his ass into the pavement. --paTRICK heSTER
 Her glory days in "The Wizard of Oz" long behind her, "Tiny" Tina Torelli tragically spent her last years begging for spare change at shopping malls. --Ian Abrams
 Always the skeptic, Gina decided to sucker-punch the Woolworths human mannequin to see for herself. --Dofang
 While Granny was in a confused state, Betty-Sue lifted her I.D. so she and her mother could dump the old broad at the mall. --Rev.Oley
 Make way for Her Majesty, peasant dog!!! --TRAV
 And while Suzanne Sommers went on to become TV's beloved thighmaster girl, few were aware of the harsh turns life had in store for Joyce DeWitt. --Paul Roub
 But Mommy,she said she would give me $5 and grant me three wishes if I rubbed her belly for two minutes --Johnny Rebb
 Souxie's mother was able to shurg off her daughters tendency to grab strange women's breats at first, but on their weekly trip to the dollar store she realized just how serious the problem had become. --Garrett
 Ellen Sue! Stop hitting that old woman! It's your brother's turn! --Greg J
 Hey, bitch...you trying to cut in front of my mom? I'll beat your fat ass.... --Jay Clark
 Mommy, here comes my teacher....If she says anything about me giving blowjobs in class, it's a damn lie! --Jay Clark
 Mr. Buttafuco! Can I have your autogr...oops, sorry, thought you were somebody else! --Greg J
 Hmmmm, so you'll lend me your bitch for the night if I give you an extra five ounces?... Tempting... very tempting... --db
 Anyway, you probably don't need to get more RAM. You should defrag your hard drive to see if that solves your speed problem. Also, since you don't have a sound card or CD-ROM drive, you can disable the drivers that... Grandma? Are you listening? --His Imperial Majesty
 Mommy, mommy! Roseann stole my candy bar! --Capt. phealy
 While it is unknown whether it is caused by heredity or environment, it is known that there are some children who are simply doomed to be losers. --Blake
 Once Albert distracted the woman with his waist-high camera, Deedee was able to 'lift the gatorade from the bag and hide it beneath her oversized vest. --The Sandman
 "Scientology," huh? Well, okay, I'll hear you out. --Greg J
 Angie couldn't stand it any more. She had to find out the true gender of "Pat" once and for all. --Greg J
 Everybody was Kung Fu fighting...Yeah, they were fast as lightning... --Greg J
 Wait a minute. You wanted a male midget? Well, Jesus H. Christ, lady. You could've been a little bit clearer on the phone, couldn't you? --that zed guy
 hey,mom,you think you NEED that bag of chips? --spazzamajazz
 Listen, you little shit, just because I'm wearing a Pillsbury shirt doesn't mean I'm gonna giggle if you poke me in the stomach. --The Unmasked Revenger
 No, honey, she's not Buddha, so stop rubbing her belly for luck. --The Unmasked Revenger
 Mmmm, I wish she were touching MY arm! --John Gruber
 "..and so I said to Martha--Lesley! Quit grabbing your Aunt Pearl's tits! Sorry, Pearl--she's been listening to k.d. lang again..." --anon
 And I'll slap you again, Granny, if you ever call me your 'little pooh-bear" in public again. --The Unmasked Revenger
 Melissa! Haven't I told you not to feed the stray white trash?! --kafka