IADL #8
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 "Sir, if you'd like to purchase that lawn chair, it's only $8.94, and...well, never mind, you can HAVE it." --Trainman
 Local hopefuls lined up to audition for "Stupid Human Tricks," as David Letterman brought his Late Show to Kenosha. --Capt. phealy
 Having waited in line for 4 days and nights, Delbert was sure that he'd get great seats for Kathie Lee Gifford's concert. --Capt. phealy
 Unfortunately, sufferers of catatonic schizophrenia often go untreated because they appear to be having such a good time. --Blake
 I never miss the public executions! --el Marko
 Lionel was amused that, finally, he was first in line for a new colostomy bag... and here it comes now! --The Sandman
 Chanting his mantra and allowing himself to attain the state of "the total body grin", Pete began to astral-project his penis into the soda straw... --The Sandman
 As people looked around to find where that horrid smell was coming from, Melvin smiled knowingly. --Greg J
 Melvin believed himself to be the equal of Darth Vader, but he had read wrongly. He had instead mastered the powers of the Dork Side. --Greg J
 Ulf suddenly came to the obvious conclusion that he hadn't accidently put on his younger brother's underwear again, the penis-pump worked! He was actually GETTING LARGER!!! --anon
 Ahh! Another prozac morning! --Neo Magus
 ...and, although the frontal lobotomy scar had discolored to a pasty white on his forehead, Derf didn't mind. In fact, he didn't mind much of anything anymore. --The Unmasked Revenger
 Frank Dooglesminger, pictured here, was the odds-on favorite to win the "Mr. American Nerd" pageant. Unfortunately, though, he wet himself 8 hours before the competion. Afraid to stand up and display his shame, he sat in the bus station until it dried, and missed the competition completely. --The Unmasked Revenger
 Once he'd exhausted the amusement possibilities of imagining passers-by in their underwear, Fred began imagining the passers-by in his underwear. This was considerably more entertaining, if a bit stomach-turning at times. --zed
 Narrator: And though the ladies laughed at him, believing him to be just another ordinary man, Mr. Jenkins was in fact the legendary SuperCockMan, who was blessed with a penis that could satisfy even the most frigid of women. However, because he looked like Eddie Haskell of "Leave It To Beaver", he was often found satisfying only his right hand. Such are the vagaries of fate. --Kurt S.
 Damn, this is relaxing. Those Depends are the best investment I ever made. --Paul Roub
 Them girls sittin' next to me are pretty...they never said nuthin' in the asylum about how pretty them girls are! Pretty! Pretty! --Toade
 Francis, proud of his ultra-stylin' hairdo and his new, super-cool duds, trying to pick up women at the bus station. --Toade
 Subject 12441: Charge-- public masturbation. Verdict-- GUILTY. Sentence-- 2 months at the Paul Rubens Clinic
--Clay
 Woody tries desperately to hide his uninvited namesake. --Hugh Jorgan
 Don't look now Alicia! Just act natural. You know that guy that's been following us? Well he's right behind you and you wouldn't believe what he's doing now!! --kafka
 Why the hell am I laughing?She's drinking my soda and eating her ice cream, and I paid for both of them! --Bette G.
 Fred amused himself by imagining the passers-by in their underwear. --Meli O'Girl

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