Zoomin' for a Schumin

In August 2000, my web provider went out of business. My site was down until the end of September 2000, while I was waiting for the new machine to arrive and get configured. In the meantime, I was running a temp site somewhere else that had a "SpinnWebe is down" message; after a while I got bored with just having that and started doing occasional updates with silly or amusing things.

During that time, Dodge introduced me to The Schumin Web, which set me on an ever-increasing path of discovery and amazement through the Land of Suck. What follows are the updates I put for each day for Schumin Week.

My apologies for links to Ben's site not working, but it's just not worth tracking all of them down to fix them whenever he reogranizes things.

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Ben Schumin Week, Day 3Sep 13, 2000

Stupid me, I forgot to bookmark this link...but fortunately he has a "search the Schumin Web" feature, so I didn't have to go digging for it again.

On one of his quote archive pages, he has the bit about the emergency button that he currently refers to on the front page. You go looking for it--I'm not in the mood to make your Schumin Web experience any easier. (It's on the same page as the audible silence thing, below the update where he congratulates Rich for winning Survivor. I'd decided weeks ago that, if someone is happy Rich won, it's a rough indicator that I won't like him, and so far it's holding true.)

Thing is, it's clearly there for blind people. It's in that raised helvetica for people who can't read braille. So yeah, if you're blind, you're gonna be happy to know that you're feeling around for a large button.

Myself, I'd be asking larger questions, like: doesn't it suck that there's a doorstop that's approximately three inches wide right under the sign? Or what are the odds that a blind person in need of assistance is gonna stumble onto this sign at all?

But then again, Ben Schumin missed that the alarm with the "audible silence" feature indicates that the school is currently in the year 2096, so I don't imagine he looks far for detail. Which is ironic, considering the relentless, pounding detail he gives you in so many other areas you don't care about.

Some other Ben Schumin things:

I got this mail from someone actually at JMU.

One thing I can also help you with is the "Audible Silence" 
question. I used to be an RA on campus, and I asked
the facilities guy who was working on it what it meant.  
He said that the dorm is equipped to handle handicapped 
students, and since deaf people obviously can't hear 
fire alarms,  the audible silence is an irrating vibration 
that hearing-impaired people can detect.  
I think that Jewett, Inc. guy was talking out of his ass.

Well personally I trust tech support before the maintenance guy in most cases. To be sure, I called Ohio Electric, and they confirmed that, yeah, "audible silence" means "silence the audible alarm". In fact, I ran into this spec sheet that phrases it "audibles silenced", which makes even more sense to someone out of the industry.

Also, I've currently received mail from:

HOLYSHITTHATSABIGFUCKINGMORON@ben-schumin.zzn.com
torture_and_flay@ben-schumin.zzn.com
throw_garbage@ben-schumin.zzn.com

Man you people have issues.

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