The Contest

This is the original post I sent.

Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,rec.games.bolo,alt.music.tmbg,rec.arts.tv.mst3k,
rec.puzzles,alt.folklore.urban
Subject: Need help with mischevious anagram

Somewhere between Philadelphia and Millersville, there's an outdoor sign with
little inspirational puns on it. For example, one week, it was "doing good
turns doesn't make you dizzy". I drove by it yesterday, and the current message
is

SWALLOW YOUR PRIDE
  OCCASIONALLY--
IT'S NON-FATTENING

I've decided that I want to rearrange the letters in the sign next time I go by
there. I've always been bad at anagrams, though, so I need help.

Here's what I'd like the new message to be:
1. I want to use as many of the original letters as possible. If there are any
left over, I'm going to put them in a laminated envelope and tie it to the
sign.
2. The new phrase/saying ABSOLUTELY can't be vulgar. I mean, imagine that the
person who owns the sign has a sense of humor. I want it to be the kind of
thing that the person would look at, and be surprised and amused. (If the
person's uptight, I don't mind bothering him/her, but I'm not looking to
actively piss someone off.)
3. It has to be a reasonable English sentence/phrase. I really, really hate
anagrams that come out like, "Lo, I, a yak? Sir! Egg on car! Eh?"
4. It should be amusing in some way. Up to you.

In fact, I've just decided to make this a contest. (If you've read this far,
lucky you.) Whoever gets me an anagram I like wins the XL Zweblo t-shirt of your
choice. (Product lists are available on my WWW site or via ftp.) Judging will
be entirely subjective by my very own self. If there are several I really like,
tiebreaker will be whichever has the least number of letters left over. If
there's still a tie, I'll flip a coin or something. Ask my girlfriend, maybe.

Send entries to this address. I'll be passing the sign on Friday, so entries
have to be in by 5pm on Thursday. I may announce the winner then (if anyone
enters), or next week. Please make the subject "sign contest".

Incidentally: the apostrophe in IT'S is an upside-down comma. The dash after
OCCASIONALLY is a single long dash.