A room not made sweltering by Intel-brand portable heaters
I am a little intrigued at my sudden ability to drop bad habits like a bad habit. Last week, not reading my usual political blogs, to stop the mountain of stupid that was crushing my soul; two weeks ago, going cold turkey on snacks at work, to stop my gut from crushing my pants. Both are things I assumed I would be powerless to affect, but I don’t even miss them very much. Sunday my PC’s video card died, rendering useless my game machine, and the replacement came today; I’m even wondering if I should bother installing the new one.
Talked to my therapist yesterday, and she suggests that I’m feeling overwhelmed. I think I’m getting along with that explanation. The whole health care debate has really been a big weight on me — not so much the health care issue itself, but seeing all these people who are so drastically mistaken, and angrily so. And it’s just…well, I’ve known for a long time that people are dumb, so in itself, people being dumb about health care is no big surprise. But I guess the rational part of me held the belief that, with proper discussion and reasoning, people can general be brought out of the ignorance and into the light. Or at least halfway out of the darkness, to a place where they understand that the only place “death panels” exist are in the minds of those who fear.
But the debate was revealing that illusion for what it was. People are dumb. And what’s worse, it showed my insignificance in the big picture. If somehow I could bring one person into the light of reason, ten more would fall, shoelaces tangled, into their place; if I could bring those ten people to reason, a hundred would fall, angrily, blaming me for their spraying juice boxes, in their place. And if somehow I could bring them to logic, there’s Fox News — which has spent more than I will ever earn on advertising for Tea Party protests — who will always have a greater voice than I will ever have.
And, more than that…it’s not just that they’re big budget, and with a lot of coverage, and unashamedly defend their ability to lie in their news coverage. Fox News wouldn’t exist without an audience that wanted it. The Big Stupid isn’t manufactured by Fox News, it’s simply part of the human condition. If I changed the minds of a thousand, ten thousand, a hundred thousand, it wouldn’t matter. If I did, and Fox News fell, then in twenty years there’d be another Fox News.
Simply unavoidable. This is, and will always be, part of Humanity.
I feel myself twisting up a bit inside writing this, in fact. Overwhelmed. In one of those “what’s-the-point-of-it-all” moments of my life, I suppose. Idiots have always existed and will continue to exist long after I am gone. I finally got my job title/description upgraded to the level of what I’ve actually been doing the last few years, but I’m already getting a “what have you done for us lately” vibe from my boss. And in general I’m in an IT field, and pushing 40, and starting to feel like I’ve learned everything I’m able to learn, or everything I’m motivated to learn, and already feel like I’ve slipped impossibly behind the curve. All this and more. Think it was starting to become too much for me.
But in the last day or so I’ve been finding some calm, and it’s been nice. As I type this, I occasionally look over at the box of my new vid card, and wonder if I care. Earlier, I was clicking through Today’s Big Thing, and nearly coming to tears seeing the wonderful ways some people enjoy utterly wasting their time. Wonderful. I’ve always been introspective, and I know this is going to sound entirely too grandiose, but in a way I feel like my introspection is taking a shift — not only why I do or feel the things I do, but more who am I and why am I here sort of things.
This is possibly more defense mechanism than anything; I’ve been too amped emotionally to follow my usual neural paths, maybe. But I’m wondering if this is a reason why I’m having trouble with programming A1…it’s not aiming high enough. I want to create things that give me that emotional response, and while A1 can be pretty entertaining, it doesn’t give me the same feel something else might. (Like DFC, maybe, sigh.)
But with regards my mental state: despite my younger insistence to the contrary, I’m starting to feel like I’m coming to that place where platitudes start to make sense for their likely wisdom. I should consider going placidly amid the noise and haste. The thought is half-formed and not yet clear, but it’s something like: instead of trying to control the off-balance spinning of my environment, I need to find an inward peace and project it outward. My sudden willingness to change behaviors I thought were reasonably unchangeable seems to reflect this.
August 26th, 2009 02:13
Sounds like the classic midlife…uhm, reevaluation, if not entirely a crisis!
Why don’t you take a month off and go to Japan, India or South Africa?
…to finish A1, mwahaha!
August 26th, 2009 09:29
Not that I suggest reproduction as a cure. But, having a kid more or less forced me to unplug from games, unplug from TV, and deal more with the immediate world around me. 6 years of this an I have to admit quality of life is better. More focus on the things that matter, less stress.
That midlife thing is obviously real as well. I had my freakout at 40. A change in job seemed to contribute to the resolution. Although, I believe at the root of everything was a redirection of focus toward actually living, breathing, people and not the electronically delivered pixel ones. 2 cents.
August 26th, 2009 15:19
This is called turning 40. Not to be glib or anything.
August 27th, 2009 01:33
You’re a good man, Mr. Webe. Keep doing what you’re doing, your mind will thank you later.
August 28th, 2009 21:43
The whole health care debate has really been a big weight on me — not so much the health care issue itself, but seeing all these people who are so drastically mistaken, and angrily so.
Cripes, that’s describes me perfectly.
My reaction to all the chowderheads ranting about death panels and telling the government to keep its hands offa Medicare was to become totally cynical and figure out some kind of scam. Robot insurance, maybe.
My mid-life crisis car was a Honda Civic.
August 30th, 2009 10:57
Hrm… did I skip my midlife reevaluation, or did I have it early?
I feel like I’ve always kind of looked at the rest of the world and felt everything was going bonkers, while I just sort of dodged and weaved my way through it all, nodding my head at the crazies, but quietly living my life in the midst of it all.
Healthcare is about the only thing that concerns me, and even that, I’m starting to take a fatalistic, “well, I have to die eventually” sort of approach. I just hope I won’t be in pain when I approach the end.
September 1st, 2009 10:32
Hum, these were good responses, thanks.
September 13th, 2009 19:17
“And it’s just…well, I’ve known for a long time that people are dumb, so in itself, people being dumb about health care is no big surprise. But I guess the rational part of me held the belief that, with proper discussion and reasoning, people can general be brought out of the ignorance and into the light.”
Wow, that’s quite a statement. Maybe that’s why we’re in therapy? Keep it up.
Of course, anyone who questions is dumb. Have you actually read the proposed healthcare bill, all proposed 1100 pages?
September 13th, 2009 22:23
Honestly, don’t bother. If you think I was saying “anyone who questions is dumb” then you have missed the point in favor of reading this post in the way you felt most comfortable.
September 21st, 2009 11:26
Exactly. “..then you have missed the point of this point in favor of reading this post in the way you felt most comfortable”. I could say the same applies to your interpretation of my comment. Realistically, it is what all humans do, but few admit: reading things in the way they feel most comfortable.
It is as you describe in your entry the ‘Big Stupid’, although I find this moniker to be off-the-mark. Of course, you aren’t part of the crowd who wheres that title, since your opinion, formed over time, and after a lifetime of ‘reading things the way you felt most comfortable’ has placed you on this pedestal of righteousness.
But your therapist is probably right: it must be overwhelming to be seated at the table of the One-True-Opinion. It is why I asked if you actually read the healthcare bill draft. Many of the so-called contested items are right there in print.
September 21st, 2009 18:32
Er. No. You say “Of course, anyone who questions is dumb.” If you believe that, you’re not worth talking to. But I figured you didn’t say it as if you believed it, so I assumed you were saying it sarcastically, as a comment on what I was saying.
The fact that you’re asking if I read the bill or not shows me you are missing the point. It’s not relevant to my post. There are people who differ from me on policy and paths to reform, and while I disagree with them, they may present reasoned arguments that merit discussion. That’s not who I was talking about.
For that matter, if I had the site traffic I used to, there would be enough of my friends around to let you know how funny it is, trying to suggest I strain under the weight of my One-True-Opinion.
September 22nd, 2009 07:53
“For that matter, if I had the site traffic I used to, there would be enough of my friends around to let you know how funny it is, trying to suggest I strain under the weight of my One-True-Opinion.”
I’d say Spinn strains under the weight of considering the opinions of others my than anything. On reason I still frequent this page is that it often is populated by people who will take a stance until proven otherwise. String together a thought, rationally (and well punctuated), and you’ll get one of the more fair discussions you’re likely to find on the web–with some humor to boot.
September 22nd, 2009 07:54
I always fell off the well proof-read boat myself…
I’d say Spinn strains under the weight of considering the opinions of others MORE than anything
September 22nd, 2009 10:10
I’ll ask you the same. Did you read the entire bill as well? Have you read *all* of the different bills, with the various proposals, amendments, and the versions presented to both houses of Congress? Are you employed in the healthcare industry, preferably a direct provider? Nevermind that the question of reading the bill has absolutely nothing to do with what spinn is talking about here, but sweet jesus tittyfuck before you start parroting pointless talking points try to understand what you are reading before yammering on like a townhall meeting screamer who still doesn’t realize he’s in the local pizza restaurant and not in the townhall meeting itself.
Also, if you want to just sit and trade condescending ad-hominems, you have in fact come to the right place. Judging by your screen name, we already know you are a bandwagon Celtics fan, and I’ll bet you weren’t even born yet when The Big Five played and have formed your fanbase solely on how sweet his ass looks in those green shorts.
September 22nd, 2009 12:34
Is it sad that I aspire to achieve that level of condescending smack-down sophisticatedness? As it is, I can only admire the layers and layers of snark that the followers of Spinn bring to their B-game.
September 23rd, 2009 13:51
In case anyone was wondering about the title:
http://thedailywtf.com/Comments/Im-Sure-You-Can-Deal.aspx
Also, “Sweet Jesus tittyfuck” would have made a much better tattoo.
October 10th, 2009 18:25
Leth, so sorry, I was on a few weeks of business travel.
Actually, I am in the healthcare industry. But no, not a direct provider, my business services the providers themselves.
Unfortunately, I have read most of the original bill, and some of the various add-ons, and it scares the hell out of me.
I claim no fanship or affiliation to the Celtics, since I don’t follow them I’m afraid I can’t respond to the reference.
Spinn,
“if I had the site traffic I used to…” Yeah, that’s kind of my point. I’m a long time reader, not a poster. Brainshots used to be something worth reading, and I might have agreed with your comments in the past.
But now we’ve gone to (one sided) politics only, and I don’t see objectivity (here) in that. And this particular post just seemed to be indicative of that.