Probably did read in to much melancholy. Post-40 in noddin-land, I find a daily drive to keep finding challenges haunting me; at odds with my former self perception of self as a competent and managed inner-self and outer-self, with a gnawing knowledge that I used to waste a lot of time. I think being mid-life-lost scared the hell out of me. I enjoy job and job challenges a lot more now but I still personally don’t identify myself with what I do. On the flipside, family and the K-word provide challenges that I find worth identifying myself with. I’m bemused by the deep, biological hard-wiring; it’s really a mysterious thing really. Gives one the motivation to keep making life and self better, in a way that I never felt as an individual. I’m pretty sure that on my own I’d just hole up, be non-social, get angry for wasting time and not be able to stop. Why try and all that. Case in point, my spouse leaves for a few days and I’m up far later than usual, anonymously posting like I have something to say (dubious). It took many years of marriage and family to break a serious time sink habit of computer gaming and web humor trawling and oddity gawking. Then it took a few more years to see how much better the time is with out those habits. Left to my own devices I really have to struggle to not fall back into them. I should probably stop typing, e.g. before I start typing confessionals.

I, obviously, have read your text for years. I don’t pretend I know you. Text is what it is. It’s enjoyable to see the initiative and imp, and the other texters that gather round the flame. type on.

You might’ve read melancholy into this, but I didn’t intend any. It was more about being a further reminder that I am in charge of my life, and if I want things to be better, I can’t wait around for life to happen to me. That’s more of a positive thing, really.